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Articles
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Relations Expectations
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Larry James
http://www.new-dating.com/search.php
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Relationship Expectations
Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems.
Having expectations in our culture is expected. We are brought up that way. Having great expectations sounds great however when the expectation is unfulfilled, we bitch, we moan, we become disappointed. That is a problem for most people.
For example, if I expect you to love me a certain way and your love doesn't show up that way for me, I will most likely be disappointed. A better way might be to strive to get the need of being loved fulfilled by allowing your love partner to love you the way they love you. Your need to be loved a certain way is not a healthy need, it is only and always an unrealistic expectation.
Another disappointing thing about expectations is that they often do not come true. One love partner knows the expectation. The other love partner doesn't know the expectation of the other. Expectations are in the eye of the beholder. Can you see the problem?
Needs must be communicated. Expectations are rarely ever communicated. Needs can be cussed and discussed. You must give careful thought to what needs must be fulfilled for you to know you have a healthy love relationship.
"Expect the best," is certainly a better attitude than the alternative. Some say, "If you always expect the best for your relationship, everything will work out better." This is a myth. It will work out the way it works out and you will be disappointed because it didn't work out the way you expected it to. You don't always get what you expect.
We often expect our love partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they are not our choices, we often get angry or disappointed. . . or both. Most people call this situation a problem: a problem we create by our expectations.
Try this: "No expectations, fewer disappointments!" It's that simple. Not easy. Simple.
By considering a new point of view, by changing our thinking about expectations, we open ourselves up to whatever good the 'us' of the committed you and me may be working on together at the time. Since we are detached from the way things need to work out, we may be surprised by the result. Even when we imagine the very best, we are often surprised, because if there were shades of doubt present in our imaginings, things may turn out better than we imagined. . . or worse.
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Larry James
http://www.new-dating.com/search.php
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