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Articles
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How to Break-up
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Advices
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If you have decided not to date someone anymore, there is no need to give them a list of all shortcomings or cause them any more pain than is absolutely necessary. It may be difficult to do this in person and in a direct way however, the alternatives can have many, many lingering side effects.
In order to avoid a traumatic end to a relationship, some people choose not to break up in a direct way, but to simply to do a slow fade. Their calls become less frequent. They begin to argue and emphasize all the ways they are unsuitable for the other person. Eventually, unless the person being rejected is totally clueless, they usually realize what’s happening. The slow fade can backfire though with someone who just can’t take no for an answer. In most cases if you are sure you don’t want to be with someone, it’s best to let him down gently-but not so slowly that they don’t get the message and holds onto false hope.
Adults should be able to handle bad news, even if it hurts. Although breaking up with someone in a restaurant or other visible location theoretically should force your newly liberated partner to refrain from screaming, crying, throwing food, etc., in reality public dumping do cause public scenes – so this isn’t a recommended venue. Even if you are sure you don’t mind being the public center of attention due consideration needs to be given to the person that doesn’t know “bad news” is coming during an outing that would normally be filled with good news.
The kindest way to break up with someone in person is to do it in a private, quiet location. Breaking up with someone over the phone is also acceptable, but only if the relationship has been relatively short. If you are going to break up with someone over the phone, don’t blurt it out the moment your soon-to-be ex picks up. Ask if they are alone and available to talk. If they are not, delay the news until you can give them the courtesy of being in a position to handle it.
When you have the person’s attention, be firm, clear, and kind. Say that you enjoyed your time together, but affirm that your goal is to find the right partner and you need to keep looking. Be generous. Reiterate this person’s good points and avoid as much negativity as possible. Wish your ex-partner love, success, and happiness. Do not say “we can still be friends.” Maybe at some point you can be, but that’s not the right thing to say right now. You may get tears, anger, or pleading as a response. Listen and be sympathetic for a short time, but remain firm in your decision. Taking someone back won’t get you (or him) where either of you want to be.
Breaking up with someone can be extremely upsetting. You’ll probably try to plan out what you’re going to say and review the words in your head a thousand times before you finally say them. However, it’s best not to obsess over exactly the way you break up with someone, as the message will always be the same. Just be clear, firm, concise, and kind.
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Advices
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