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Articles
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Dreaming of Getting Married
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Advices
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Sweet pink dreams of happiness with the loved one right beside you…why not? Especially if you found each other. I gathered here some ideas from the connoisseurs concerning this unique step.
There was a young man running after the car of a marriage counselor asking:" Sir, how do I know she is the one?" The counselor’s answer was: "Ask yourself if you want to have breakfast with her every morning from now on."
Yes, good question, how do you know this is the one? All couples have their unique love story but some of the characteristics are evident in every relation: at first some say that they can’t live without their partner; however…that changes in a couple of years, sadly, in divorce; other couples seem to be less "in fire" for each other in the beginning and their relationship lasts living "happily ever after".
And who doesn’t want to live happily ever after? To turn into reality the beautiful Prince Charming and Cinderella stories, I will underline a few aspects:
1.Do not rush
Usually it is only after 6 months that you get to see some glimpses of your partner’s real personality. Now, of course there is no perfect man or woman on the surface of the Earth but to rush and marry a person that you actually don’t know is a very risky and costly decision. There are things that cannot be changed, things that can be improved and of course qualities you want. Use your discernment and ask yourself if you can live on daily basis with his defects. A good question to test yourself here is "Would you like all your children to resemble him/her in character?" The consequences of hurrying into a marriage are more then bitter, but waiting will clarify your perspective and give you the space to make the right decision.
On top of the high emotional wave you can’t truly discern (as you might think you can); that’s why, the longer you know each other before marriage, the better. Your parent's consent is also of high value, remember, they know you better than anyone.
The engagement period preceding the marriage used to last one year in the Old Testament and it is indeed smart to carefully weight such a decision meant to last for a lifetime. If it takes more than that for you to decide, take your time and don’t let pressure of any kind (from your future partner or relatives or friends) push you into a decision you are not 100% confident about. It is YOU getting married, not them! If it is your future partner trying to put pressure on you, this should be a clear sign for the "red light", yes, a Stop. Many times the person who tries to force you into something you are not sure you want, does that because they have something to hide. Discuss the issue with your partner and if he loves you, he will respect your decision to wait a little more, in fact, as long as it takes for you to come to the same conclusion.
Do you like him/her?
Do you enjoy his presence, his personality? Do you enjoy talking to him? Do you have subjects to talk about or are those embarrassing silent moments frequent? How does time pass with him/her? Does it pass fast or do you feel that you’d rather "take a break" from each other for a while? You should not be bored when you are with your future partner nor should you need a break, on the contrary, you should enjoy every moment even if you don’t talk.
Do you like his/her physical appearance? Even if one might say that it is the character that matters, the fact that we do have a body shouldn’t be taken lightly in character’s favor. Of course the character of a person is the most important but if the body seems repugnant to you and you are trying to ignore that, striving to stick to the relationship for character’s sake alone … it should give you something to think about. If this is the one for you, ask God to give you love for his/her physical appearance as well.
The same level of intelligence, education and bank accounts, brings stability in the relationship. Also a big age difference has its limits. An age difference of plus/minus 5 years is not a big deal but this depends on the maturity of both partners.
A good question to ask yourself here would be: "Are you embarrassed to introduce your fiancée to your friends or are you proud of her?" It goes without saying that you should be the most proud of her/him! Oh, she/he represents the best thing that has happened to you on this planet! If you are not, how do you think this is going to affect your future together? Not hard to guess that it is not going to have a positive effect. "Love is blind"…at first…but after the honeymoon it might open its eyes!
3.Ask God for advice
Most importantly, ask God to lead you and put the certainty in your heart about your future partner. God alone knows your future and the things you both have to pass through, so asking His advice is the best thing a man or a woman can do. Some think "right, and God is going to give me the most boring partner". It is a false idea! Remember that it is God that created you and He really knows what you need and what you love! Besides, He is the One who invented marriage in the first place! Don’t you think He deserves some credit for it? Oh, He surely deserves it all, and He has the best love story ever for your life! Just ask Him! He will answer; also pray that you recognize His answer!
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Advices
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