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Articles
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Rules You Should Break
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Beth Whiffen
http://new-dating.com/
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Relationship Rules You Should Break
Never stopped to question the dating code of conduct everyone you know follows? Well, it's time to start, because some of the so-called "rules" of relationships need to be tossed out the window.
It's anyone's guess where they originally came from, but there are some universally accepted relationship mandates that we all think we should abide by. A few of these couple commandments are actually valid (as in: Your best friend's boyfriend is off-limits); others are totally bogus and your relationship will be better off if you break them.
"Instead of blindly adhering to a prefab and possibly outdated standard, it's smart to consider how couples really function in today's world and act accordingly," says Los Angeles psychotherapist Lynn Ianni, Ph.D. The trick is figuring out which love laws help bolster your connection...and which ones should be banned. Not quite sure? Don't worry. Cosmo has compiled the five dating doctrines that you need to ditch this instant!
Rule #1: You can't check out anyone else
Why you should break it: You're in a relationship; you're not dead. So when you're walking down the street and a delicious hunk of man-meat catches your eye, go ahead and give yourself permission to do a double take. Noticing the scenery isn't a sign that your guy doesn't do it for you anymore. "It's human nature to be attracted to other people," explains Ianni.
That's not to say that it's cool to blatantly ogle every XY chromosome owner that crosses your path, even when your boyfriend isn't by your side. "It's important to respect your significant other, so you don't want to be too obvious or make a habit of looking," says Marcella Bakur Weiner, Ph.D., coauthor of The Love Compatibility Test. Obviously, there's a difference between staring slack-jawed and simply appreciating a nice view.
On the flip side, however, you have to understand that your guy isn't blind either. If you see that he notices some chick, as long as he's not outright drooling over her, don't make a big deal out of it. You can even score points with him by joining in and saying something like, "Oh, she's cute," advises professional counselor Roger Rhoades of Carolina Counseling in Greenville, South Carolina. "Acknowledging that another woman is attractive makes you seem confident, which only adds to your own appeal."
Or do what Stella,* 29, does with her guy. "My boyfriend and I like to play this game we call 'Hot or Not', where we people-watch and rate all the passersby," she says. "It's a fun way for both of us to ogle hotties without pissing the other person off. Plus, it gives us interesting insight into each other's taste."
Rule #2: You have to give each other the play-by-play of your day
Why you should break it: You already know it's not cool to attach yourself to his hip. Well, the same thing goes for drawing him a mental map of your daily grind. "The Cliffs' Notes version of your day is actually more effective. Then move on to more mutually interesting topics, like current events or a movie you want to see," says Rhoades.
So when you two hook up after work, how do you know if you're giving TMI? Follow this rule of thumb: "Fill your guy in on the things that elicited an emotional response from you," says Ianni. For instance, if someone got fired and you're afraid you'll be next or if you're psyched because you learned your sister's pregnant, go ahead and share. "Then, skim over the stuff that didn't have a profound effect."
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Beth Whiffen
http://new-dating.com/
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