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Relation with conflicts
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Can you think about the first fight you had with your lover? Many couple can remember that awkward day. If you can recall anything about that first conflict, it was more than likely really not the problem but the reconciliation that you probably remember. Those were the days when you know quarreling actually seem like a part of life and sometimes it seemed like it made the relationship stronger. The two of you probably fought about issues that you both held dear and fought with trivial arguments about who was right and who was wrong.
If you are living with the one you love, you might feel that you are playing on a whole new field. You’ve graduated from the amateurs to the pros. Arguments and conflicts are a part of life and a good ripple in the water can be a positive way to express certain concern and admiration. According to statistics, couples who never have conflicts or fight have a much greater chance of breaking up in the future.
At a younger age, we choose our arguments and predicted resolutions from our parent’s conflicts. When we get older, you probably will recognize the family pattern and adopt your own fighting scheme. Either way, you will soon realize that expressing you opinion in a relationship and arguing can provide stimulating way for you and your partner to simultaneously build and manage the ability to handle conflict. Once the two of you have deeply learned all the argumentive ideals, the both of you will be able to successful solve every obstacle you encounter.
Keeping Grudges
Grudges, or wrong doings, are something that you do now want to keep inside. If your partner does something to really upset you, be sure to let them know what is causing you distress before it emotionally builds into something you can not control. You should be specific as possible. After some time, we all feel that our mates should be mind readers, but that is seldom the case. Keep in mind that only a small percent of the general public has an ESP ability and chances are, your present mate does not possess this ability.
Call ‘Time Out’
During the heat of passion or argument, people can say and do things that they would not normally do and probably will regret at a later time. Sometimes the best course of action is to take not action at all. If you find yourself getting very frustrated or angry, excuse yourself from the situation until you’ve calmed down and cleared your head. Explain to your partner that you’re not avoiding the situation but only taking time to think it over. Once both of you have an time to think about the situation, you probably won’t feel so angry with each other and can come up with a solution to the conflict easier.
Learn to Control Your Anger
Anger during an argument can make it counterproductive. Be sure to make it a point not to raise your voice or break anything within arms reach. Anger is notorious for creating a domino effect. The more hostile you are, the angrier your partner is likely to become.
If you feel like your loosing control, take a deep breath and concentrate on keeping your cool. Try to evaluate the situation from an objective perspective. By looking at the situation from outside of your own shoes, you will be able to solve most problems quickly and without anger.
Threats and Insults
People can say the most horrendous comments and those who are the closest to us can be the worst offenders when they’re presented with relationship conflicts. As a romantic couple, you learn each other’s fears, secrets and vulnerabilities. Using these things to hurt your partner in times of conflict can be devastating and cause emotional scars that can never be covered up. It presents a barrier of distrust, so if you’re about to use something very personal against your partner, you better think about the consequences.
You should really never threaten to leave your partner during a fight either. By threatening to walk out, you’re putting your partner on the defensive and they might call your bluff and force you to go. The best way of dealing with the impulse of threats is to remind yourself of the other fights that you survived with your partner and that a threat is just adding fuel to the fire.
Accept Responsibility
Blaming your partner for the problems in your relationship is a lot easier than looking within yourself. Admitting that you may have had something to do with the argument is sometimes the only way to solve it. Remember that fighting is normal and it usually takes two to tango. Making your partner the one to always apologize or admit fault will make them have resentment toward you. Some people fear that by admitting fault, they will look like they are less than perfect and will lose their partner’s respect and love. But, by not taking responsibility you’re less than perfect anyway. So go ahead and admit that you somehow are at fault, you’re partner will have a higher sense of respect toward you and the experience may be liberating.
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