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Articles
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Beyond love
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Skye Thomas
http://www.new-dating.com/search.php
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All you need is love. Love conquers all. Through love, all things are possible. We are taught these concepts about love. While it is true that love is an amazing and powerful thing capable of incredible healing, motivation, and miracles; a marriage needs more than that. If love were really the only thing needed to sustain a long-term relationship, then most marriages would never end in divorce. The ugly truth is that if we are not compatible with each other, than the road to ‘happily ever after’ will be long and difficult.
Compatibility is so much more than just agreeing that you are both morning people and that you both enjoy the same style of lattes. Compatibility is a deep and twisted dynamic involving a combination of belief systems, personality traits, hopes and dreams, psychological needs, cycles and patterns, and mutual magnetism. There are pieces of the compatibility puzzle that we can logically fix, alter, change, and manipulate, but there are other pieces that we cannot affect on a conscious level. For example, raw passion and physical attraction for each other, you can love a person’s mind and spirit but simply not be sexually attracted to them. It’s like leading a horse to water, you can’t make him drink. Sometimes no matter how much we want to like someone on a more intimate level, it just isn’t there. Other things, like philosophies of parenting can be negotiated and worked on to find common ground that works for both of you.
There are many areas of compatibility to consider before committing yourself to a life together. Most people absolutely believe in their heart of hearts when they make those marriage vows that the love they feel for the other person will override the daily ups and downs of sharing a life together. Unfortunately, life can quite easily throw a wet blanket over the fires of your love and reduce it to quiet smoldering embers and even to die out completely. Here is a list of important compatibility factors to consider before getting married. It is not in any special order of importance, as everyone weights the various components and their importance differently. Some people really don’t care about religion and spirituality while others feel that it of utmost importance. They all need to be looked at, contemplated, discussed, and evaluated openly and honestly before you make your vows rather than later in couple’s counseling.
Personality Types – It’s often difficult to mix an extreme extrovert with an extreme introvert. A loud boisterous comedian won’t mix well with a quiet reserved intellectual. Opposites attracting can seem cool at first, but eventually what seemed charming and cute later ends up grating on your nerves. It’s a sad fact, but at least one of you will end up feeling as if you have to be something that you are not in order to please the other. If the core of your basic personalities is not compatible, then you will have a really difficult time seeing eye to eye on a lot of other things.
Monetary Needs and Goals – If one of you has very simple needs and wants to live in a modest home without a lot of debt and the other wants to live a glamorous wealthy lifestyle and is willing to run up a lot of debt to do so, then you are likely to have some serious problems. Who will earn the money? How will you spend it? How much do you need? Money problems are historically the number one topic of argument between couples. Financial compatibility is one of those areas where you can both compromise and make a special effort to see the other person’s viewpoint. If your views are not too extremely different and rooted in some sort of psychologically driven need, it is possible to come to an agreement.
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Skye Thomas
http://www.new-dating.com/search.php
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