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Articles
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How to court Women
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You can get acquainted with a Russian woman in different ways. But a typical Russian woman would consider ideal (it is the most wide-spread, by the way) the following patterns of doing it: reading the advertisement - exchange of letters - a face-to-face date - parting that would give both of you time to think the matter over - wedding. Let's try to analysis of your possible relations with a Russian woman at each step.
Reading the Advertisement. The First Letter.
So, you are in possession of the address of the woman you liked and decided to write a letter to. How and what should you write? Provide full information about yourself: your height, weight, age education, the company you work in and your post; whether you have ever been married and got children, how old they are and what they do; tell about your parents and the city you live in. In short, write plainly about everything you think worth mentioning in the first letter to a stranger. Bear it in mind that it is not customary in Russia to call a woman 'dear', 'love', 'sweet' in the first letter. A woman will feel you are insincere. You may also write about your hobbies. While writing the letter try to make it sound more emotional. You'd better avoid the style of official, formal reports. Show your sense of humor but mind that sometimes the situations laughed at by Russians and by people of other nations do not coincide. You may accompany your first letter with a photo, the one you like most and which reflects your personality in the best way. You may send several photos if you like: of your relatives and you and others.
What to Write and Ask in Subsequent Letters to a Russian Woman.
Do not be afraid of expressing your genuine feelings and thoughts: the Russian woman is naturally very emotional and sensitive. Ask questions and answer hers in return. Your questions might be like following: Why are you single? What kind of a man would you like to see near you? How do you imagine your post-wedding life? What is more important for you: family or business career? Ask how she spent last week and tell her what you did all this time. Write about everything you find interesting. Seek for her advice on this or that matter or difficult situation in your life. Share your plans for the future with her.
It is only logical to ask how long the acquaintance by correspondence should last? In this matter, like anywhere else, you should retain the sense of proportion. On the one hand, long correspondence provides an opportunity to know each other better. On the other hand, Russian women don't like inert men and will find long correspondence a great nuisance. Therefore you have to pick the crucial moment of transition to personal meeting intuitively.
Perhaps it is not too important where your first date will take place - in her country, in your country or in any other country. And still we shall examine all the three options:
1. You have insisted on that the first meeting should be held in your country.
For: You are the master of the situation since you are at home.
Against: it is unlikely that you will get to know the woman well. In an unfamiliar country speaking an unfamiliar language she will feel tense with the constant fear to do something wrong. In other words, being a guest she will feel compelled to comply with the countries traditions.
2. The date is held in a neutral country. It seems to be an ideal variant for the first meeting. You are both in equal positions and you are not obliged to each other. The sense of being in equal position will allow the woman to be her own self, thus you'll get a possibility to know her better. Besides, if in the long run you will get married and your fist date will not turn to be the last one, then the impression from this trip, your conversations and walks around the town will constitute the basis for your shared dear remembrances.
3. The date is held in Russia.
For: You will be able to see the woman in her customary setting, how she gets on with the members of her family and what her circle of acquaintances is, what her life is composed of and how she deals with different matters, especially with running the house. Of course, the few days of your first meeting will hardly expose to you all the habits and ways of the woman, but still you will manage to correlate the image you have got from the letters with the real one. Russians have a reason for saying: "It is better to see once than to hear a thousand times."
Against: Now you are a guest and welcome to all the advantages of the position.
And still you should better make a journey to Russia. Let it be not the first but the second or the third meeting: you have to see the country the woman you have chosen lives in. And you'd better do it before you decide to register the marriage.
Russian Women and her Love for Man
Any Russian woman would like to be the object of chivalrous admiration, to receive flowers and poems written especially for her. However the image of an ideal lover doesn't interfere with love for a real person, not always so positive as she would like. You can often come across such an explanation of the paradox: 'Somebody has to love him as well.' And she can forgive a lot to the person she loves: alcoholism, unfaithfulness, lies and non-chivalrous behavior.
The reason for this self-sacrifice and artificially lowered requirements can be traced back to the historical consciousness that retained the awareness of the of the submissive role of women and to the fact the number of women in the country has always been considerably larger than that of men, due to the rough reality of the Russian life (the wars and totalitarian regime). The situation hasn't changed a lot; as a line of a popular Soviet song goes: "According to the statistics there are nine boys for ten girls." Very often a Russian woman, denied the opportunity to choose, is prepared to love anybody just in order to experience the feelings and not to feel unwanted. Notwithstanding you shouldn't think that the Russian women are undiscriminating - they are just illogical in their love for men. One may be a tall, handsome and wealthy fellow and still fail to attract a Russian woman's attention. One may be crazy about her and still fail to arouse a response in her. However, that doesn't mean she needs a man with physical or spiritual shortcomings. The thing is that she must fall in love with You and Only You and then you may count on all-conquering forgiveness, on absolute devotion and on that she will undertake anything for your sake.
It is not clear why they contend that only the woman should have a piquancy, a spark. Bear in mind that a Russian woman is looking for a spark in a man as well: the way he adjusts his hair, his smile, the peculiarity of his speech, his absent-mindedness, his funny ways, etc. What you consider to be your defect may turn to be the thing to fire her with admiration.
Russian woman doesn't expect to profit by her love, she is genuinely selfless, and she often sacrifices her career and her interests to those of the beloved person. Devotion determines to a great extent the behavior of a Russian woman in love. For most Russian women the words of the church wedding rite 'I vow to stay with my husband in grief and joy until death separates us', are still the matter of current significance.
A Russian woman's love is patient, she is ready to forgive many things to her beloved. Russian woman in love is characterized by all-conquering forgiveness, a bent for self-sacrifice, passion, devotion, faithfulness, disinterestedness.
Russian Women and her Husband
A married Russian woman has her life values arranged as follows: children - husband - relatives - her home - her job. As you can see, husband plays one of the predominant roles in her life. Let us define what husband means to a Russian woman.
The husband is HER man, that is a man who makes her feel useful and significant. She doesn't fret about being alone, she doesn't rack her brains over who will accompany her to a party; the expression 'to be married' itself has a literal meaning in Russian 'to follow the husband, to be behind him.'
The husband is a regular sexual partner. A Russian woman nowadays, especially those over 25-30 years old, has certain problems with finding a man to establish permanent sexual relations with.
In brief, the husband is EVERYTHING to a Russian woman. This is also proved by the fact that after the wedding the number of female friends of a young wife is considerably reduced: she doesn't need them any more.
The husband has traditionally been the highest authority for the Russian woman. She will not go out, nor make major purchases, nor take important decisions without first consulting with him.
A Russian woman takes care of her husband as if he were her child: she washes and irons his clothes and cooks delicious meals for him.
A Russian proverb claims 'Wife without husband is like child without mother.' This may be the best symbol to reflect the relation between the Russian woman and her husband.
The child is the highest value of the Russian woman. She doesn't have to learn to love her child. But sometimes she has to learn to be wise in this love. A Russian woman will surely love your child too, as if he were her own one, because the beloved man and his offspring are inseparable for her.
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